Don't make me hate you.

How many times do I have to tell you to quit it?
From my power, you've taken every bit.
You've thrown me against the wall. My head's been hit.
Can't you see I can't take this anymore? Don't you see it?
I'm really finding some hate for you, so just can it!

This is to a girl from school who told me to burn in hell.

Rach, my sister...

Fanpop is receiving thanks from me. The reason why is since that's where Rachel and I first starting speaking to each other. Also where we first decided we were going to be sisters. I remember we were talking about Michael Jackson and his music, then Heath Ledger and his acting, and other music. That's when we started speaking on Formspring, when she had a Christina Aguilera picture for her main picture and a Michael Jackson (from the BAD video) as her background. I really don't know how I remember that. Haha.
Later on, there was this "Sister" thing that some MJ fan suggested on doing and she made a spot for it. I remember Rachel saying how much she disliked that idea and how stupid it was. I can't stop laughing as I think back on this. It's just funny. Then I asked if we could be sisters and she said yes. Lmao! I'm really happy that fan suggested on that idea or we probably wouldn't be sisters.
When I was on that spot, I asked a question suggesting that for each sisters, there should be a spot. So Rachel and I made a spot when I was named as "Vexi". Our spot was called "Vexel". Now that I look back, I really miss that spot. I really, really do!
Rachel was supposed to come to my home state this Christmas break, but that was cancelled due to her dad's work schedule. I'm not mad, just depressed about it. I was so happy that she was coming that I didn't even think of what I wanted for Christmas. Instead of Christmas, she said she might ask him about Spring break. I hope she can, I really want to meet my best friend.
Rachel is my best friend, even though we've never met. No friend from school has actually ever listened to my cries and tried their best giving me all the advice they could give. Rachel has. She cheers me up and makes me laugh. She's hilarious and she's crazy. Not bad crazy, but the crazy that makes people laugh. Whoever hates on her or doesn't like her, well I just want to say, they're missing out, because Rachel is a sweet, beautiful, friendly, and helpful person. She's there. Her and Lisa Marie are tied of who I want to meet the most. Lmao. I love you, Rach, my sister. :]

What being a fan means.

It's sort of funny that I'm over here trying to explain what it means to be a fan of Michael. It's hard to find words and phrases to describe. But I really want to try. I'm curious if I can explain at all.
Well being a fan of Michael, I'm a completely inspired person. It means that my heart is in helping out now and I really want to help out more often and be apart of organizations that help with the planet and people. It means that we're inspired by a beautiful man, that he's pretty much the reason we see the world we do today.

I'm inspired more in singing and in writing music by Michael. Being a fan, it means that we have a soul for music. That we have a true heart for music. Michael showed us what music truly is and means. It means, as fans, that we know it now. And we know what soul is.

Michael showed us how it looks like to love being on stage and to not be able to stop dancing. It means that most of us are interested in dancing by what we see of him on stage.

Being a fan of Michael means that we love him not because everyone surrounding us does. We love him because we truly, from the bottom of our hearts, do. It means we defend him from harsh people who throw stones. We don't rest until it's cleared. We don't give up. We don't believe anything the media says of him without researching it. We know what Michael says about music, the planet, the media, Sony, and the stone-throwers.

We know.

Kalyn, my sister...

Kalyn is not the troll everyone labels her as. She has told me a million times she doesn't troll and of course, yes, I believe her! Because she's my sister. She's one of my best friends. She's totally trustworthy, because I've told her so much and she's never told anyone. I can trust her with anything. Now, I'm really getting sick of everyone saying there's proof from just http://www.formspring.me/------/question/------. I know they can say that a trillion times that it's proof, but if you really think about it, it's not. There's no solid proof to it. That troll can be anybody. It could be me! (Which it's definitely not. Just making a point here.) And the things that troll says doesn't sound like Kalyn at all. She would never say those nasty words. Kalyn has sense, y'know!
Well, out of that mess, Kalyn is my sister. She is a best friend. She is important to me. She is sweet. She is amazing. I love her, and as she'd say "No homo." Haha. She's always there for me. When I feel down, she knows it by my style of typing. So she cheers me up the best she can. That's how caring she is. And to show her I appreciate it, I'm there for her. I always will be. I'll never let anyone hurt her or insult her and get away with it. It's the honest truth. That's why I got in that huge fight some days ago when most were insulting her and naming her as a troll. I wouldn't take it. I couldn't.
I wrote this because Kalyn wrote something about me. (Well when I was Lisvana.) I think it's one of the most sweetest things anyone's ever said about me. It's so sweet and I completely love the writing from the bottom of my heart. Thank you Kalyn for the writing and being there for me! :]

Feeling bad? Ah... no.

This place is a much better place to help my feeling. I actually feel comfortable talking out since there's hardly anyone. Just me and her. But I do miss the other, I just couldn't stay. I wonder if I'll feel better after I talk to her today. I'll write again later.

I do feel my heart's feeling more safe.. more loving.. more like it will stay alive. Do I feel better? Yes. Do I not feel dark? No. I'm still the same, just not as much after I talked. I talked about this harsh, harsh beast with her, how much those stones the beast threw painfully hurt while they were cut through my skin. We spoke how I'd deal with it. I suggested that I'd ask Greg how to survive.

Greg said I shouldn't worry about everything I missed. Greg will get me to catch up on Monday morning. I bet the others won't even care about my disappearance at all... so I'll be left alone once more...

Then leaving with my dad, we were singing on the way back. He said that I could sing Shania Twain, especially "From This Moment On". But I was.. I felt totally better after talking with her and I loved singing. It always makes me better.

Get Me Out.

Here. All alone. I'm losing...
My mind. Just wanting to leave.
This hell is not help. It's worse.
It's making me worse.
It's making my thoughts... deepen...

{Chorus}
Get me out! Get me out of here!
Help me out! Help me out of hell!
Mama, won't you saaave me?
Won't you help me out and get me ouuut?

The phone is two million miles away
And so.. are.. youuuuu...
Why won't you call already?
I would, but I'm not allooowwwweeeeedddd...

{Chorus again}

Maaaaamaaaaa, please do something!
This is not the darkness I like!

Aaahhhh...

I can't stay any longer.
This clock can't tick any slower..

Maaaammmaaaa, where are you now?
Can't you see I need you... NOW!

{Chorus again}

I was enchanted to meet him.

Yesterday afternoon


My mom left to talk to my dad. It was just me in the room. No voices. Exactly how my place is in my mind, but that's darker. Much darker. No windows. No doors. Just a hard concrete floor. Dark, unbreakable walls. Is she going to get me help? Did she say yes? Did she agree to the cost? If she did, I love you, Mom. You really want to help me.

If I do go, what will it be like? I picture the place in my mind. It's utterly dark. It looks lonely with only very few depressed people who admire writing the way I do. Writing is our best friend.. We can write all day long. We could write to each other and not talk. I see this place like my home. Can I stay here longer, Mom?

Yesterday evening


Mom? Mom? Mom?! Let me call her. Please! Even if it's important? No? Why not? I hate this place. It's not the dark place I like. It's not what I imagined. I'm hurting, I have to have someone so close to me so I won't harm myself! I had to sign a paper! A paper that said I wouldn't do so!! What the hell is a piece of paper going to do?! I'll call someone an effin' hoe just to get out of here! This is hell! Please Mom, hear me, sense that I'm in danger. Come back and save me! I figured out where my home is, okay? I realized it's wherever you are and that's why I hate being here. I want to talk to you, Mom. I want to tell you, "Mom, come get me. I hate it here. It's hell and no one really cares!" I was just crying and no one even noticed until I told them I yearn for an open ear that'll listen. Get me out of here or I really will harm!

Today morning


They wanted me to draw blood! I demanded no! I hate this place even more!

Today evening


My day has turned a little better. I didn't know where I was walking to though. I didn't know what I had to do. She just told me I was going somewhere to check if I am healthy. Turned out, the thing inside me to keep me alive is perfectly healthy. I have no reason to think otherwise. But the main thing is, when I first set foot in this place I thought is hell, I saw some good in it. A boy, a male, a guy. He's beautiful, he's gorgeous, and he has a sweet, soft voice. He's nice and he smiled at me. Not because of a stupid joke, but for what I said.. his smile is flawless. It really is perfect. I wish to speak to him again. But girls and guys, I think, are separated until like 6. I can still picture his smile in my mind. He has a spark. More beautiful than any firework. More interesting than any firework. He noticed me.. and I don't think it's because he had to...

Bruises.

I guess I really don't know these bruises at all.
I say they're of flaws, but they think different.
I keep denying but they won't stop. Won't stop disagreeing.
They say I'm pretty, but if I was, wouldn't I see it? Ayeeee.

{Chorus}
If I asked, would you let me break all the mirrors?
Would you let me smash them with all my might?
Could I break them without hurting my bruises?
I hope not. I hope not, because I like the pain.

They tell me I should think positive.
Do they really think it's that easy?
What do they want from me?
To cut it into my arms?

I try to breathe through my tears.
They ask me why I'm crying.
Understand me. Catch up with me. Get the right news.

{Chorus}
I like the pain-aye-aye-ayen.

See I tell ya. What do you want me to say?
Lie & say I think I'm pretty? Well it doesn't work that way.
We're all beautiful, it seems. I want to be confident,
but it's not that easy. I really wish it was.

{Chorus}
I like the pain. {x5}

Guess I like my bruises. I love my bruises. {fade out}

New Lisa Marie Presley Photos!

What happened to when he was different... ?

I'm not going to act like it's the end of the world or like my life is over, because it's not worth that. What happened to when he was different? All of that year and a half, I was wronging myself. I'm not insulting him in any way, but he was disrespecting me, he made me angry and made me cry too many times and it's only been a month. I reason with rarely, but so many times in a month is outragous! I yearn to know what happened to the sweet, respectful boy I knew last year. I guess I just figured out the real him... did I?
I really thought this was going to be a long-time relationship, but I was wronging myself there too. Has he caught on... ? We're over... ? My heart tells me Stay with him... But my gut says No, he'll wrong you once more. Should I listen to my heart... or should I listen to my gut? I don't know. Why can't I know? I'm sick of hearing You're too young. Because really... you're never too young.

To Fans of Michael Jackson on Fanpop (2)

Before I get started, I know I had my moments that I'd curse much before I was suspended, but I've tried my all to stop, and I have pretty much quit. And I'm very proud of myself! I've seen that I don't need to curse to speak out my opinion; that people will take me more seriously if I do without the cursing. Cursing isn't relevant, so why do it? Although, I do reason with a curse here and there, like damn orhell, but any curses like f*** now sicken me. I thought we, the fans of our beloved Michael, spread L.O.V.E - beautiful L.O.V.E, not disgusting L.O.V.E.
I would really be inspired to see less cursing, and more L.O.V.E. Just lovely words. Inspiring words. I know all of you are very beautiful and kind people, but I really think the cursing needs to stop. I see we're all human, and all humans have moments of cursing, but it's still called human to limit it. May we all take a vow to utterly limit the cursing and wrong words... ? :)

Christmas Break.

My sister... we're like blood sisters, and hopefully we'll meet when Christmas Break starts. She says she think she'll be able to come down to Virginia, but I yearn to know 110%. For a while, we've been planning on what we'll be doing this Christmas break. Like watching two Heath Ledger movies, listening to our favorite music (Michael Jackson, Lisa Marie Presley, Elvis Presley, etc.), talking about our boys ( ;) ), and more. If she does come, this'll be the greatest Christmas break to ever come. My sister, Rachel, is the greatest friend (or sister) you could ever ask for, she's the only person (other than my mother) that I can actually speak to and ask advice from, and she really cares. :)


I love you, Sister! :)

Crying is good, right... ?

He is different. He is special. He is everything. I think he is the sweetest, and I NEVER want to lose him. And I'll do anything not to! I feel so happy inside, like my heart could stop and I could still live. He gave me a note telling me to listen to "[i]Just The Way You Are[/i]" by Bruno Mars. I have never listened to this song before, nor did I hear about it from anyone, so I didn't know what to expect. When it was about a few seconds of listening to it, I was instantly in tears. He said that it reminds him of me and the way he totally feels about me.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLseipYwWWM

I'm really lovin' "Don't Walk Away" today...

Don't walk away
See I just can't find the right thing to say
I tried but all my pain gets in the way
Tell me what I have to do so you'll stay
Should I get down on my knees and pray

Chorus 1:
And how can I stop losing you
How can I begin to say
When there's nothing left to do but walk away

I close my eyes
Just to try and see you smile one more time
But it's been so long now all I do is cry
Can't we find some love to take this away
'Cause the pain gets stronger every day

Chorus 2:
How can I begin again
How am I to understand
When there's nothing left to do but walk away

See now why
All my dreams been broken
I don't know where we're going
Everything we said and all we done now
Don't let go, I don't wanna walk away
Now why
All my dreams are broken
Don't know where we're going
Everything begins to set us free
Can't you see, I don't wanna walk away
If you go, I won't forget you girl
Can't you see that you will always be
Even though I had to let you go
There's nothing left to do
Don't walk away

You are one in a million...

Everyone should know I do not like Hannah Montana by now, but I love the song One in a Million. I love it so much because every word describes how I feel about DB. Especially Can't believe I'm so lucky. I have never been this happy. DB is everything I love in someone, he is the someone. There has been so many signs. And I actually think that Oompa-Loompa (yes, I think I spelled this wrong)'s "No." was a sign. She said "No.", so she was never with him, but if she did say "Yes.", they could still be together today, and I wouldn't be so happy and lucky. Now that I've realized this, I appreciate her (I guess).

EVERY WORD describes how I feel about DB.

1909

http://www.fanpop.com/spots/1909

19: The first two numbers of the year Michael Jackson was born.

09: The last two numbers of the year Michael Jackson slipped away.

DLB + ANV

❤ ❤
I come from a small town, he said he came from the city. Some say it's weird, some say it's totally perfect. My favorite word is lovely, his favorite word is awesome. I love how he says "either", "another", and "other". But especially how he says my name. A genie gave me three wishes, but there was only one I needed. I love his eyes, his smile - everything about him. 

We might not have kissed yet, but we're still real. When we had our first "up & down", I still loved him as much as I always have. I believe I could never be good enough for him, because it's just the way I feel.

School is one of the best things that ever happened to me; I met him in school.

I loved having Mrs. Dunn as my homeroom teacher; he had Mrs. Dunn as a homeroom teacher.

I loved having an assigned seat in lunch last year; his assigned seat was across from me.

I loved where I sat in math class last year; he sat beside me.

I loved coming to homeroom class in the morning; he always said "Hi" to me.

There was only one reason I loved the end of seventh grade; he hugged me for the first time.

I met him in 2009; I've loved him since 2009.

I wish he never met that girl who I call an Oompa-Loompa. She is out of her mind to say "No." He's sweet, hilarious, caring, & very gorgeous at that. How can a guy get any better than that? Soon she'll realize her mistake, & I'ma laugh in her face & say, "TOO LATE!"

Even if he lived a thousand miles away; I'd want to walk that far to see him.

He takes up a whole lot of my heart and always will.

I could not go on if I couldn't see his face.

I love him, & I have this writing to prove it. He loves me, & I have a ring on a necklace chain to prove it.

I have him with me...

I have it all. :)

Are teachers ever this joking?

So I've spoken a word or two of my science teacher before, but today was insane! I didn't greet her, because I was still just a little upset about yesterday.. and so she jokingly ignore me and acted disgusted at me. I went around to sharpen my pencil and she kept speaking about DB and I, saying that we just stopped right in front of her and hugged and that I would speak to him and not her. When she was sitting at her desk, on her desktop, she said that I would need her first before I would ever need him. Today was just the most different. Dang! I forgot to ask him if the teacher commented on us today like she did with me..

To the fans of Michael Jackson on Fanpop.com.

Special is a... well, special word. Special is meaning important, extraordinary. I find it very much beautiful how most of you treat each other, and almost just as much as Michael, you inspire me with that love. Most of you all treat each other with so much love and seem always there when the other needs a shoulder to cry on (even if you don't meet in life outside). What makes it beautiful on this very spot is that love, and I can't explain how lovely it is to be apart of it. We've had our ups and downs here, just like regular family. Especially me! But Michael... his beautiful presence made us into a second family, this is like a second family to me and hopefully to more fans as well.
Now as I've pointed out, most of you treat each other so beautifully, and that's how Michael always adored it. When I look onto a photo of Michael, and see some comments; of course, I'm going to at least skim through them. And certain comments do tear me up a bit, because it's so filled with love. If Michael read these words, I know he would do the very same action.
Same with the words said about Michael here, you say he's an amazing inspiration, a great king, an uplifting humanatarian. It's all true. It's beautiful what's written.
You all are special on here, and I never wanted to leave on that time period. There was something said about me, something that sort of hurt - they were glad I left. I won't say names though, but I just didn't get it. Did I really do something wrong? Even though that hurt, I still wanted to stay, because those words make me happy and inspired.

I don't want anything to change here, except for increasing with the love (if that's possible. Haha.) Though there really is one thing that I find needs more work, and that is more respect for Lisa. I'm not exactly asking for "Lisa Love", but just respect. I don't want to see anything terrible about her, because you know I do defend her. But I know none of you mean any harm, and I love you for that.

Teacher doesn't like those hugs... ?

I find this much hilarious! I have spoken that the boy and I hug when we leave each other for our next class periods, am I right? After gym period, we walked the short, little way to those classes, and his locker is first, so he gave me a hug (which we both know we want long hugs.), and my homeroom, science teacher was literally right behind us when we hugged, and what came from her mouth was, "Uh-huh. No. No." I like my teacher, and I respect her completely, but what my voice reflexes wanted to respond was, "Mm-hm. Yes. Yes." I realize school rules are there for a reason, but what's with the "no-touching"? All it is is a simple, harmless hug - there's nothing wrong or inappropriate about it. Not one thing! But I still feel the same way for my teacher as I have when I first met her. She's very kind and funny, and she quite understands.

Elvis is not my second favorite artist anymore...

Elvis.. wow, I really don't know where he is on my favorites list anymore. Elvis is still in my tops, but I have no idea where he's included at. I haven't really been listening to him as much as I was. But Michael... I've always loved his music and I will forevermore. Now I still see Elvis as The King - now I haven't changed my mind on that opinion I've always had and I don't believe Michael's superior to Elvis, but I just love Michael more. I wish I would've seen this sooner. And I will not lie or be biased, Michael's music is more interesting and unique and lovely. Elvis wasn't a song-writer but Michael was, so Michael completely, no contest, has that over Elvis. I don't really see anything wrong with Elvis not writing his own songs, but I don't find that reason for Michael to be The King over Elvis. I accept opinions on this, and apparantly more persons see Michael as The King than persons who think Elvis is. My honest opinion is that I know Elvis had the title much far before Michael ever started creating pop music, even received his title as The King of Pop. And all fans of Michael say Justin Bieber, the new teen sensation, is not able to steal Michael's title - so I say my obvious line, Then how is Michael supposed to receive Elvis's title? I say if Justin can't take Michael's title, Michael cannot supposively take Elvis's title. But hey, I've already stated, I accept all opinions and I completely understand. Michael is a great king, and I will admit that I think they are both the Kings of Music. BOTH.

My hand in his.

Have you ever held the feeling in the center of your heart that you couldn't be happier? Well I have, and it's the first time I've held this happiness. Yesterday evening, the boy I've been speaking of asked if we could might hold hands at lunch the next day. I felt so good being asked this, and I immediately answered Sure! When he spoke to me at lunch, "Hold my hand..", instantly I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach. And I felt sweat; I have no idea who's hand it was. I said it was mine, but then he laughed and replied that it was his hand. Unfortunately, he had to leave for his next class period, but he gave me an amazing hug and told me he loved me which overcame that. But I still wished we could have stayed near each other longer. Much longer. I really believe he's the reason for my happiness!

Who's That Girl?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP3TXUEBTBY
This song by Hilary Duff is very addictive! I'm not a fan, but I adore this song! It kind of reminds me of when I liked the guy I am with now (this was last year), and he loved this girl! And it hurt, it really did. So she was living the life I wanted. All I wanted was for him to feel the same way then..

Lisa Marie Presley & Michael Lockwood are so gorgeous!

All I can possibly say right now is that they are one of the most gorgeous couples to live. Just looking at these two of the many photos of them, I see how much in love they are and just how beautiful they are when they're together. These two photos are the newest of them, and Lisa, as always, gorgeous; I just cannot help but to state this fact!  They married in 2006, and I find it so amazing that Michael is always there for Lisa, as she's said herself. Lisa completely deserves someone to be there for her and listen to her and help her like Michael. And I am able to see how Finley and Harper have made her even more happier. Finley and Harper are so beautiful, and they get their unbelievable beauty from their mother and father, Lisa and Michael.

I don't have a good feeling about this...

In the mornings, I always have a feeling whether today will be a good day or it'll be a terrible day. This morning, I just feel worse about myself. I don't even want to go look into the mirror. Then again, I do, so I can try to help myself. I see everything about me as flaws. I despise it, I just want to get rid of this feeling. My family doesn't help - all they say is "You're not ugly!", "You're beautiful!", or "You're so cute!" How is that supposed to help? I need someone to talk to, not compliment me when it's not true.

I wish I was beautiful. And when I say beautiful, I mean Lisa Marie Presley beautiful, or Riley Keough beautiful, or this girl at my school beautiful. It doesn't help having someone to call you ugly either, or big nose. Don't they know that hurts? I have feelings too! Sure, I might seem like one of the toughest people determining feelings, but I'm NOT! When people say those things, it makes me want to go hide and break down into a corner, pass out there and no one finds me. I am insecure, but I still have a little confidence sometimes, but not enough to just let those words go. I wish I could, but I criticize myself in about everything. Why can't I be beautiful... ?

Lisa Marie Presley's Interview Regarding Michael Jackson.

I'm sure some of you watched Lisa's interview with Oprah that regarded Michael Jackson on Thursday, October 21st. I would've spoken about it earlier, but I have just made a Blogspot. Lisa's true feelings for Michael shone on Thursday, and she got me emotional. Her words were sweet and lively. Even though she had a rough patch with her feelings for Michael before his death, apparantly, the death of Michael triggered her emotions and feelings for her ex. The reason it took her so long to speak out about the death, was for she needed to gather up and figure out all of those emotions she suddenly got hit with. Lisa said so on the interview.

I felt Lisa's feelings, I know exactly what she was speaking and how she was feeling. Looking at her, I knew she wanted to tear up; I wish she did, just let it all out, even if it was on television. I would've done it. But I'm just happy with the fact that she was brave enough to go on that talk show and tell how she really feels.
Alright, I see that she told Oprah she thinks the reason for the end of the marriage was for Michael chose drugs and 'vampires' over her. I don't believe this, and I don't lose respect for Lisa for saying this. I don't agree with the fact that she said it publicly.
I feel more fans of Michael should respect her, or even better, start to love her as much as I do! For Lisa, she's only a human, I understand she said wrong things about Michael in the past, but that's the past. She's found her feelings, and she's said them aloud.
Now - this present time - is what matters. Then - past - doesn't matter anymore (in this situation.)

Vexi